How Politics Ruined My Relationship

I’m sure everyone, even if you don’t reside in the US knows the upset we’re living in right now.  As a millennial, I believe in safe places because sometimes this world is just honestly too much to comprehend.  What if your “safe place” came with a price?  You seek refuge but you become forced to face the very strife you’re trying to avoid?  This was my 9 1/2 month relationship.

It started out okay…he liked different music (a country fan while I dig Nine Inch Nails) but that was tolerable.  We went on cool dates and the more we hung out, the less our differences popped up.  Enter election season.  One day I received a call.  “How can you vote for her and seriously call yourself a Christian?”  This was what I answered the phone to.  What difference does it make?  Isn’t part of being in a relationship supporting one another?  I didn’t bash him for his decision to vote for our now POTUS.  I even spent the night of November 8th at his house just so we could hear who won together.

I thought after the elections were over we would become closer.  I never pulled away like I wanted but sure enough I was still bashed for my disgust in our new President.  Now, I’m not going to riot and say “Not my President” although I totally understand the appeal.  Things may seem fishy about this election but as I sip my tea I know that rioting is not going to change the opinion of the far right.  It’s just going to procure more “whiny babies who don’t work” talk.

For months I tried to cut off the talk of politics.  A few weeks ago he calls me and says, “I can’t talk to you.  I deserve someone I can talk to.”  I said he was right on deserving an outlet but he can talk to me about anything…anything EXCEPT politics.  Unfortunately that’s all that was on the menu to converse upon that night.  I recall screaming into the receiver “STOP!  STOP!!  I can’t talk about this” with no avail.  I felt like it was verbal assault.

We broke it off when he couldn’t see that he had an anger problem.  He swore up and down that he was doing all he could in this relationship and I wasn’t pulling my weight.  So, I present to you, anyone who reads this to comment.  Do opposing politics belong in relationships?  Have any of you broke up or maybe found a way to make it work?

Let’s discuss.

Liz

Boys are dumb.

Boys are dumb. They have three main organs: brain, heart and penis. They only think with one of them. Obviously, when it comes to women it’s not usually the brain…or heart. I’m not exactly sure why I’m still single. I guess it’s because I haven’t really put myself “out there” to look for guys. I recently graduated from college (with honors, I might add). It took me a long time to finish for two reasons. The first was because I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life, so I switched majors three times. Four, if you count the mishap where my advisor thought I wanted to be in video editing for two semesters. The other reason is because I went part time. I took two classes in the fall and spring and one class in the summer. It was very frustrating but I know myself well enough that I knew that if I were to take more than I could handle, I’d end up overwhelmed and over my head in stress.

The biggest thing that holds me back is that I have a mental illness. I deal with it like anyone else would deal with a physical illness. I seek help when I feel it flare up, I see doctors for treatment and I take medicine to ease the symptoms. I don’t enjoy thinking about my illness as something that should hold me back, so I suppose that cancels it out. This is not why I’m still searching for guys…at least I hope it’s not why no one seems to want to date me. Bringing the subject back to the male species, also known as life’s mystery topic, the question of why am I “un-dateable” arises.

First off, it’s not a confidence issue. I don’t find myself ugly. Sure, I’m eclectic, without a doubt. Donning a short, green hairstyle, I’m sure my first impression can be jarring. My left arm is covered in tattoos and I have my nose pierced in two places. I am also overweight. That said I am not a circus freak. I have lovely large blue eyes that have actually stopped people in their tracks to compliment me. Side note: I have trouble accepting compliments, so for me to think that any part of me is “lovely” is a big deal. The thing about my appearance is that I carry myself well. I strut when I walk (not John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever) because I am confident. I don’t usually feel my weight. It’s not until I walk too fast or run up the stairs that I realize that, yes, I do need to lose weight. Nevertheless, I don’t think I should be judged by my size and yet it’s a sure thing to turn off a guy.

The thing I’ve found about guys is that they’re always searching for a “type.” A type…type of what?! Type of species? We’re all human. Everyone has flaws. My physical flaw is my weight. So, guys, get over it. I can lose weight when I get around to it. It’s not top on my priority list. Is it my hair? Do boys fancy long hair and so that puts me in the “un-dateable” category? In my opinion, that’s just stupid. So what is a “type”? How can you pick someone up in, say a bar and know they are your type? I’m guessing its appearance based. Which, let’s face it, sucks. Not everyone can actually choose how they look. Girls don’t seem to be as picky. We seem to fall for personality. A guy buys us a drink? Awesome. He must be kind. He comes over to talk? Great! He’s confident! Next is the laughter/sense of humor test. Can he make us laugh? That is a bonus. I’m talking cha-ching!! Lastly is the what-do-you-do-for-a-living-or-spare-time test. Majority of girls don’t care if you are not a lawyer. Say, you work in construction…you have a job! You’re independent. Test aced. You are a student getting you’re law degree…hmm. I’d take it if there’s a sense of humor. If you play World of Warcraft all day in your mom’s basement…perhaps a deal breaker. See? Women care about personality first. Kindness, chivalry, sense of humor first…and THEN job.

So, we’ve figured out how the “typical” girl mind works. Now for this type crap. If you are looking for a 5’10” size 4 lady with long blond hair and size 34 D bra, make sure you have a back up plan. There are women out there who look like that. I’m positive there are. They will accept your drink. They will converse (I hope) but if you start drooling, they will be turned off. I could be wrong on account of I do not fit into that mold. Confidence. A one word turn on. I myself am confident. I have issues and baggage but I sure as heck won’t bring them to our date. Why, for the love of God, can’t men have the same ideals of women? It’s disgusting. Men who have “types” are not my type. I don’t want to hear it if you are looking for a 6 or a 7. Women are not numbers.

Which brings me to my next problem. Rejection. The whole “It’s not me, it’s you” scenario that we’ve heard one time or another. A disgusting, passive, round about way to say it’s not you’re fault that I don’t like you. Rejection happens. It happens again and again and people (like me) keep looking for that someone who won’t change me so I can stick to my morals and stay myself. I’m okay with someone dumping me but please, explain what went wrong. I won’t learn from “It’s not you…” all I’ll think is that another guy is failing me. I’m smarter than that. I’m guessing most people are smarter than that. It all falls back to that type thing, I suppose.

I just want to know what type am I? Whose type am I? All I know is that I’m having some difficulty figuring it out. What I have figured out is this: I am beautiful, caring, intelligent, accepting of my flaws and open. It’s so frustrating. I see these things but I’m having a hard time showing them. It’s pretty difficult to convey your strengths in a 500 by 500 pixel image on a dating site (which I’ve been reduced to). So, I’ve touched on personality and rejection in the “type” category but what am I doing wrong on a dating site? As mentioned before, I am intelligent. My about me section is accurate, sans the mental health problem. Let’s face it; unless I explain in face to face in terms that make sense, no one will really understand the illness. I’ve said the basics, I’m a college graduate, I love photography, I’m a good cook…blah blah blah. Now what? I sit and wait. I’ve emailed 25 guys based on their profiles and I have gotten zero responses. I’m not one to be suspicious, but I feel that it’s got something to do with that darn profile picture. One would think I’d be sad and yet, I’m not. I am annoyed. There is a serious problem with men’s thinking these days.

Men have three vital organs. Their brain, their heart and their penis. When dating, which organ are they really using?