My Redbubble!

Hello fellow dishwater fans!  I have a redbubble account now and some of my art is available for prints and various other goodies.  Go check it out!

My Redbubble!

Cheers!
~Liz

Boys are dumb.

Boys are dumb. They have three main organs: brain, heart and penis. They only think with one of them. Obviously, when it comes to women it’s not usually the brain…or heart. I’m not exactly sure why I’m still single. I guess it’s because I haven’t really put myself “out there” to look for guys. I recently graduated from college (with honors, I might add). It took me a long time to finish for two reasons. The first was because I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life, so I switched majors three times. Four, if you count the mishap where my advisor thought I wanted to be in video editing for two semesters. The other reason is because I went part time. I took two classes in the fall and spring and one class in the summer. It was very frustrating but I know myself well enough that I knew that if I were to take more than I could handle, I’d end up overwhelmed and over my head in stress.

The biggest thing that holds me back is that I have a mental illness. I deal with it like anyone else would deal with a physical illness. I seek help when I feel it flare up, I see doctors for treatment and I take medicine to ease the symptoms. I don’t enjoy thinking about my illness as something that should hold me back, so I suppose that cancels it out. This is not why I’m still searching for guys…at least I hope it’s not why no one seems to want to date me. Bringing the subject back to the male species, also known as life’s mystery topic, the question of why am I “un-dateable” arises.

First off, it’s not a confidence issue. I don’t find myself ugly. Sure, I’m eclectic, without a doubt. Donning a short, green hairstyle, I’m sure my first impression can be jarring. My left arm is covered in tattoos and I have my nose pierced in two places. I am also overweight. That said I am not a circus freak. I have lovely large blue eyes that have actually stopped people in their tracks to compliment me. Side note: I have trouble accepting compliments, so for me to think that any part of me is “lovely” is a big deal. The thing about my appearance is that I carry myself well. I strut when I walk (not John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever) because I am confident. I don’t usually feel my weight. It’s not until I walk too fast or run up the stairs that I realize that, yes, I do need to lose weight. Nevertheless, I don’t think I should be judged by my size and yet it’s a sure thing to turn off a guy.

The thing I’ve found about guys is that they’re always searching for a “type.” A type…type of what?! Type of species? We’re all human. Everyone has flaws. My physical flaw is my weight. So, guys, get over it. I can lose weight when I get around to it. It’s not top on my priority list. Is it my hair? Do boys fancy long hair and so that puts me in the “un-dateable” category? In my opinion, that’s just stupid. So what is a “type”? How can you pick someone up in, say a bar and know they are your type? I’m guessing its appearance based. Which, let’s face it, sucks. Not everyone can actually choose how they look. Girls don’t seem to be as picky. We seem to fall for personality. A guy buys us a drink? Awesome. He must be kind. He comes over to talk? Great! He’s confident! Next is the laughter/sense of humor test. Can he make us laugh? That is a bonus. I’m talking cha-ching!! Lastly is the what-do-you-do-for-a-living-or-spare-time test. Majority of girls don’t care if you are not a lawyer. Say, you work in construction…you have a job! You’re independent. Test aced. You are a student getting you’re law degree…hmm. I’d take it if there’s a sense of humor. If you play World of Warcraft all day in your mom’s basement…perhaps a deal breaker. See? Women care about personality first. Kindness, chivalry, sense of humor first…and THEN job.

So, we’ve figured out how the “typical” girl mind works. Now for this type crap. If you are looking for a 5’10” size 4 lady with long blond hair and size 34 D bra, make sure you have a back up plan. There are women out there who look like that. I’m positive there are. They will accept your drink. They will converse (I hope) but if you start drooling, they will be turned off. I could be wrong on account of I do not fit into that mold. Confidence. A one word turn on. I myself am confident. I have issues and baggage but I sure as heck won’t bring them to our date. Why, for the love of God, can’t men have the same ideals of women? It’s disgusting. Men who have “types” are not my type. I don’t want to hear it if you are looking for a 6 or a 7. Women are not numbers.

Which brings me to my next problem. Rejection. The whole “It’s not me, it’s you” scenario that we’ve heard one time or another. A disgusting, passive, round about way to say it’s not you’re fault that I don’t like you. Rejection happens. It happens again and again and people (like me) keep looking for that someone who won’t change me so I can stick to my morals and stay myself. I’m okay with someone dumping me but please, explain what went wrong. I won’t learn from “It’s not you…” all I’ll think is that another guy is failing me. I’m smarter than that. I’m guessing most people are smarter than that. It all falls back to that type thing, I suppose.

I just want to know what type am I? Whose type am I? All I know is that I’m having some difficulty figuring it out. What I have figured out is this: I am beautiful, caring, intelligent, accepting of my flaws and open. It’s so frustrating. I see these things but I’m having a hard time showing them. It’s pretty difficult to convey your strengths in a 500 by 500 pixel image on a dating site (which I’ve been reduced to). So, I’ve touched on personality and rejection in the “type” category but what am I doing wrong on a dating site? As mentioned before, I am intelligent. My about me section is accurate, sans the mental health problem. Let’s face it; unless I explain in face to face in terms that make sense, no one will really understand the illness. I’ve said the basics, I’m a college graduate, I love photography, I’m a good cook…blah blah blah. Now what? I sit and wait. I’ve emailed 25 guys based on their profiles and I have gotten zero responses. I’m not one to be suspicious, but I feel that it’s got something to do with that darn profile picture. One would think I’d be sad and yet, I’m not. I am annoyed. There is a serious problem with men’s thinking these days.

Men have three vital organs. Their brain, their heart and their penis. When dating, which organ are they really using?

Survive

Eight years, one month and twenty-two days

An estimate of when I felt this way last.

For purpose of proper explanation

Hesitantly, I visit my past.

If ever I made a wrong decision

Feeling comfortable here reigns first.

Lost in a familiar location

Surely, this place is cursed.

Silently, it crept into my soul

Violently attacking full force

A sickness began to run through my veins

The virus then took its course.

It felt the need to change me.

It was its sole duty to uphold

Nothing can undo what damage was done.

No one can melt this cold.

At a loss for words I lay here.

Eyes bulging, mouth gaping wide

Struggling beyond my own human strength

Just to prove I can survive.

Bring Me the Sun!

Ursula

When will Spring come?  I think it has forgotten about us….

Digital painting created in Photoshop.

Koo-Koo for Coco!

coco

So I’ve been working on this illustration of Ms. Coco Peru for a little while (a weekend’s worth to be exact).

I hope she approves!

Jellyfish!

Its the simple things that make me happy.  Digital painting always cheers me up.digital jelly1digital jelly

So I was trying to retouch a photo I took at the zoo several years ago and I decided to just paint it!  My first attempt was…ok.  Not bad.  I’m pleased with how the second turned out.

We Are No One, We Are One

Broken Light: A Photography Collective

Please say hello to first-time contributor Liz Gilbert, a 28-year-old graphic arts student who resides in North Canton, Ohio. 15 years ago, Liz was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder. This is a mix of bipolar and schizophrenia. She easily becomes paranoid, and has struggled with severe depression and a long battle with self harm. Even though she is balanced with medication, she still has those days where nothing seems to go right. More than anything, Liz wants to bring awareness to the unseen mental illnesses that exist in the minds of millions.

About these photos: “I have always had a love for typography. One day I was able to go to a printing press and granted the ability to print a few posters with whatever ran through my mind. A song was in my head that day and some of the background lyrics were “We are no one, we are one.” It rings true to schizophrenic…

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Moment By Moment

Broken Light: A Photography Collective

Photo taken by contributor Liz Gilbert, a 28-year-old graphic arts student who resides in North Canton, Ohio. 15 years ago, Liz was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder after her first hospital stay. Since then, Liz has survived suicide and self-harm, but it has been seven years since her last major episode.

About this photo: “I have a fascination with the ocean. During sunrise at the Outer Banks, I noticed a little bird called a Sandpiper. They follow the waves as they rush in and out to forage for food. Perfectly timed, they never get washed away. I recently read a book that stated, “Deal with life as it comes, moment by moment.”  The dangerous life of the sandpiper could be viewed as risky or intelligent. Either way, they know what they’re doing and I hope I can take a note from the little bird.”

Find more from Liz at her website.

_____

**Visit Broken Light’s…

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Strange Fruit

Broken Light: A Photography Collective

Photo taken by contributor Liz Gilbert, a 28-year-old graphic artist who lives with schizo affective disorder. Liz has made it a priority in her life to not be stigmatized by her disease. Being diagnosed at an early age, Liz has learned the ways of life in dealing with schizo affective. She knows the hallucinations will pass and she is not powerless by them. She has not attempted suicide in many years, even though every day is a constant battle. Liz is not ashamed to talk about her past and has a desire to help others dealing with similar problems..

About this photo: “These berries grow in my yard.  I see them daily in the summertime and for some odd reason, I’m drawn to them.  I normally photograph dolls but whenever I see these little berries, I have to take pictures of them.  The Billie Holiday song, ‘Strange Fruit’ runs through…

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2015: The year of growth

My 2014 self portrait.  I did some tiny photoshop editing for the smoke effect.

I know it’s about a week into the new year, but I would like to share my resolution.  In this new year, I’d love to learn and grow.  Recently, I heard this pairing of words: “childlike tenacity.”  I love that.  I want to go through this year with the tenacity of a child.  Pure passion, uncorrupted by other’s opinions.

May 2015 be the year of growth.